Wednesday, March 8

Tears
When I was a very young toddler, at around four to five years of age, my dad would usually take the family out for picnics at the beach, and we would usually stay there till late at night, to enjoy the breeze drifting by from inland.
We were there again one uneventful evening, dad, mum and I. The family had finished a wonderful roast turkey dinner (bought from a nearby supermarket), and was taking a leisurely stroll down the seaside. I could see distant lights out at sea, shining from countless vessels and tankers moored in the deep water. The kind wind flowed through my hair, blowing past my scalp, carressing my skin, and massaging my senses.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and looked up at my dad. He was looking down, beaming at me. I smiled back, and saw him bring up a finger to his lips. In the same motion, he stuck out that finger to point at something up ahead. My gaze followed the indication, and peered at the dimly-lit surroundings before me.
At first, all I could see was the sand meeting with the rising and falling waves. Upon closer observation, I made out a short, rounded figure shifting around in the ground. Curious, I approached it carefully, my parents in my wake.
The figure began to take further definition and detail as I closed in. It had four flat legs, a cylindrical head, and a stumpy tail, all surrounding a dome-shaped shell. I was astounded. A real-life turtle, just like in the storybooks!
The animal was definitely aware of my presence, but it did not look to mind me coming over. It just sat there, being the silent reptile it was supposed to be, merrily minding its own business.
I patted its shell when I got close enough to it, which felt hard as rock and moist from the water. The turtle's head withdrew into its shell apprehensively at my touch, but then relaxed when it felt I was not causing it harm. It even seemed to be enjoying it.
Dad tapped my shoulder again, this time asking me to look at the turtle's rear. I duck-walked over eagerly. What I saw next was intriguing. It had dug a shallow hole in the sand, and was depositing numerous off-white, spherical eggs into it. The turtle was laying.
"Look dear," mum whispered to me, from beside the turtle's head. "The turtle's crying."
So it was. Fresh tears were flowing freely from its glossy eyes. I was even more amazed.
"It is because it is laying eggs?" I asked. Mum gave me a "could-be" look and half-nodded. I thought seriously for a few seconds, before asking her another question.
"So did you cry when you were giving birth to me, too?"
Mum raised her eyebrows in surprise. She looked up at dad, who smiled and shrugged.
"Well... Of course I did. That experience was painful," Mum replied frankly.
"But... The more important reason I cried, was because I had given life to somebody I know will grow up to be just like me," she added with a warm grin. I grinned back. I liked the way that sounded, and could still remember it till this day.
Mum and dad cried the day I was born, bacause they knew they now had someone to be proud of, someone they could love, someone they would cherish for the rest of their lives. I felt lucky to have such caring and loving parents like them, and made sure I was going to do the same when my time comes.
The eggs stopped dropping, and the turtle used its hind legs to cover up the hole. The three of us watched as the animal slowly made its way back to sea. Tears were still dribbling profusely from its eyes.

Tuesday, March 7

I developed a cough and a cold last Saturday, and kept it over the next few days, up till now.
That meant I did not do anything enjoyable on Sunday other than sleeping and swallowing Panadol, skipped school on Monday and caught the Academy Awards on TV (congrats to Crash for winning Best Picture), and skipped school again today, including NCC training later on in the afternoon.
During this long period of absence from school, I managed to take some time off the seriously think about my position in school. I concluded that I wasn't really that popular and well-liked, usually despised and shunned (to some extent), and found it hard to make friends.
Yesterday afternoon, as my dad was driving me home from a visit to the doctor, he asked how I would be notified about the homework I might've missed during my absence. I told him a friend would most probably drop by the house and pass it to me, knowing that a lot of my friends knew where I lived. Turns out, nobody came that afternoon. The next day, dad asked me about it again, and I told him what happened (or rather, what didn't happen). At this, he muttered blithely, "You have no friends."
I am in the Science class. The class that was supposedly the best in my level. And I came from Dunman Secondary, a school of higher quality than this here Junyuan Secondary.
I was supposed to be smarter than everybody. I had a PSLE aggregate score that way surpasses all of them. I was supposed to best the best. Yet, I am not.
I had become one of the worst. I was still lazy, irresponsible, irritating, and unpleasant.
My homework is rarely done on time. My work attitude is like crap. I tend to do things without thinking of the consequences and stuff. And the list goes on...
Even my NCC career isn't going as planned. I'm beginning to shirk my duties as Admin officer, a position so low yet does the most taxing and tedious jobs, and apparently my "senior" CSM wasn't too happy about it. That bastard had threatened to demote me if I continued this kind of servitude. How do you demote someone who's already at the lowest position of the hierachy?
He really pissed me off, and I felt like quitting the NCC for good at that time.
Then I thought back, and realised, it was all because of me. Fawwaz wouldn't have threatened me with a demotion if I hadn't been slacking off and not attending meetings. Yeah, it all boils down to me once again.
I questioned my existence. Why am I alive? Do I live to wreck the lives of other people? Do I live to ruin my own life? Do I live to fail?
Only time will tell. It's too early to seriously consider anything at the moment.

Friday, March 3

Another school assignment. One about 'Flight'. Done in the school comp lab. Let's get started.
Flight. Six letters, whuich could form words like 'Light', 'Fight', 'Fig', 'Lit', 'Hit', 'Fit' and 'Hilt'.
Flight refers to a controlled movement and navigation, in air. Attained for the very first time by mankind in 1903 by Wilbur and Orville Wright in Pennysylvania, USA. Since then, it had been redefined over and over again with each passing improvement, innovation and construction.
Flight was initially a idea of a faster, easier and breathtaking form of travel. A method of achieving dreams and touching the skies. A way of seeing the world from a whole new perspective. During World War I, it changed to become a weapon of control. A gadget of destruction, dogfighting, sabotage, and annihilation. Fighters, bombers and dropships were invented to sweep the skies and protect the airspace.
Now, in the peaceful world we live in, Flight had become a form of exhibition. People build and own planes to impress others. Flight is studied in specialized Academies. Flight demonstrations are held worldwide, not to mention in the upcoming Asian Aerospace Exhibition that is going to be held in Singapore soon.
When I think of Flight, I think of control. I think of power. I think of myself being able to achieve what others cannot. I think of gliding through the air, energized, feeling the calming breeze ruffle my hair, and the cold atmosphere caressing my body. I think of relaxation, and therapy.
I've been on quite a number of plane rides in my current lifetime. While the worry of the possibility of a plane crash clings on to my mind, I would still feel that sense of eagerness in riding a jet. I look forward to each ride with much longing, for the marvellous views through the window, for the food I am served, for the DVDs I could watch, and for those special adrenaline-pumping moments when the plane rockets down the runway at breakneck speed, just before takeoff.
Flight a a form of combat, I suppose, is quite useful too. It provides strategic support for an Army or Navy, and adds a tactical edge to their country's defence/ attack force. I've played games like Battlefield 2 and Coman and Conquer, where missions are never complete without planes to count on to destroy ground forces like tanks and turrets that could overpower smaller, easily surmountable troops. They can do almost everything that has to do with demolition, from mass bombings to precision strikes, and that can prove very helpful in a difficult ground-based slugfest.
I would most certaining want to learn to pilot a plane someday. My eyesight might not look so fit for that at the moment, but I absolutely wish to take control of air navigation one day.

There you go, one more class assignment done. I think it's a bit sloppy, though. What say you?